Tis the season for holiday family drama
The holidays can be less than enjoyable when there are complex family issues sitting around the dinner table. Here are a few tips for navigating the holidays when challenging family dynamics are in the mix!
Become acquainted with your values
If we can identify the values that are most important in life, we can better navigate the choppy seas of weird family dynamics. Try making a list of the values that are most important to you. Do these values align with your holiday plans? For example, if your value is authenticity, but your Thanksgiving dinner will be surrounded by people who make you feel less than yourself, perhaps it’s time to reconsider with whom you share your day. Spend some time considering your values and how those values could be exemplified in your behavior and holiday celebrations.
2. Don’t be afraid to create a new tradition
Do you do the same thing every holiday, with the same difficult people, talking about the same tense things? Why? What keeps you in that cycle? If you’re feeling the pull to avoid family drama, maybe it’s time to try something new! Make a new dish, go to a different venue, celebrate with different people. Who says you have to adhere to the same rituals? Give something new a try!
3. Before you RSVP…create an escape plan
So you’ve decided to attend the dreaded family gathering with that person who drives you up the wall. “It’s going to be fine,” you say to yourself. (I like your optimism). You get to the gathering and you realize you want out. What’s your escape plan? I’ve got a few tips for you to consider. First, make sure you drive yourself to the event, so you can leave on your own accord. Next, set the expectation from the beginning that you will only be staying for an hour or two. This way, if the evening isn’t going great, you can bail. But if it’s going better than expected, you could choose to stay if you want. Last, keep the drinking to a minimum so you can be clear with who you are and how you want to conduct yourself at the event.
4. Acknowledge your emotions and connect with gratitude
Family tension during the holidays is hard. When our culture sends us messages about close knit families roasting marshmallows by the fire, it can be painful to recognize this is not the norm in your family. Check in with yourself. What are you feeling? Where in your body do you feel it? Try picking up a pen and writing about it, and then discard the letter. The holidays can be a time to connect with the people in your corner who know and love you, so reach out to the special people in your life who make you feel worthwhile. Make a list of things you’re grateful for and find ways to lean into gratitude for all you have.