Working mom guilt - It’s a thing
Sometimes our mind expends a lot of energy constructing things for us to feel guilty about. Whether it’s the cookie (or four) we just ate, or the lack of time we spent reading to our kids, our brain can find a few minutes of our day to create a narrative that we are failing. Working moms often feel the brunt of this guilt due to the tremendous amount of responsibilities we have. For some, working outside the home (or remotely) is a choice. For others, it’s not an option. Either way, guilt from being a working parent can seemingly hit from all angles.
By the end of this post, you’ll have a few tips for reducing the guilt you may feel when it comes to being a working mama.
Tip #1: Quit the comparison
We all do it. And we suffer because of it. Comparing our abilities or worth to ANYONE else is a recipe for a guilt-stricken spiral. The minute you construct a story that someone else is doing it better than you, you’ve signaled shame and guilt to dictate your next moves. When you feel shame, you may be inclined to think untruths, or to behave in ways you wouldn’t have ordinarily. Pay attention to your thoughts and emotions and when the voice in your head starts with the comparison, shut it down and replace that thought with something you are thankful for.
Tip #2: Get clear on your values
Sometimes the dream we have for our lives is inconsistent with the life we are actually living. If you have always thought your life would be full of PTA meetings and soccer boosters, but instead you’re working overtime in a mediocre job, this would be enough to signal to your brain and body that something is out of alignment. If you had a magic wand, what would you give yourself? More time with the kids? More time for yourself? A slower pace? If you can get clear with what you actually want, your next step is to find ways to make it happen. Maybe you can shift your hours at work, or you can ASK FOR HELP. Get clear on what you want, and take baby steps toward making it happen.
Tip #3: Remember, your kids love you and you are enough
Have you ever had a really bad, guilt-ridden day? A day when you were feeling really terrible about having to be at work? So you compensated in some way to make up for your perceived shortcomings? For example, maybe you’ve been too permissive at times, just to make up for the long hours you’ve put in. You have to remember a very important thing - your kids love you whether you work or not. They love you whether the house is messy or not. They love you whether the laundry is folded or not. What matters is being present with them when you can. Giving undivided attention to them, showing them some patience and tenderness, and creating a sense of safety in their lives is enough. You are enough just the way you are. Extend some compassion and understanding to yourself and remember YOU are exactly who they need you to be.