Picking your therapist

Selecting a therapist can seem overwhelming. Terms or phrases on their website may be unfamiliar and all the therapists seem relatively competent. How do you choose? By the time you finish reading this, you will have a few tools in your toolbelt for selecting a therapist.

Most therapists will do an initial phone call prior to beginning therapy. This is a perfect opportunity for you to interview them and ask questions that are most important to you.

Tip # 1: Get clear on your intentions for therapy

This may seem obvious but if you aren’t sure what you want to work on, the therapist you choose may not be the best fit for you. Are you wanting to make a change in your behavior, and not your mood? Or your mood, and not your behavior? Or both? Understanding exactly what you want to be different in your life will help your therapist know if they are equipped to help you toward your goals.

Tip #2: Personality is everything

A therapist is a real person, with a real personality. Some therapists take a more passive approach and are reluctant to offer direct feedback, while others are more directive and will tell you things in a more forthcoming manner. Which would you prefer? Asking a potential therapist about their personal style in therapy would be helpful in deciding if you would be a good match interpersonally.

Tip #3: Culture can matter

Sometimes people value a therapist who has similar social, political, or cultural views. Some folks have gender preferences for their therapist. Other folks have preferences in terms of race or cultural backgrounds. Are those things important for you? What are your non-negotiables when it comes to who your therapist is as a person?

Tip #4: Virtual or face to face sessions

For many people, the mode of therapy is really important. From a therapist’s perspective, I’ve done a lot of fantastic work with clients whom I have never met in person. Some really, really great progress can be made virtually. However, if you have a preference for face to face sessions, you should consider why that is. Is it because you need some “alone time” to get out of the house for an hour? Or is it because you don’t think you’d get anything from virtual therapy? Consider your reasons for virtual vs face to face therapy and consider which would be best for you. Talk to your potential therapist about it as well!

Tip #5: Method of treatment

I’ve had people say to me, “I was told I need Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Can you do that?” If we are being honest, most therapists are doing CBT in some form or fashion nowadays. The better thing to say to a potential therapist is, “I’ve been told I need Cognitive Behavioral Therapy to treat X. Here are the things I’ve been going through in my life. How might you approach that issue?” This will give you a sense of how a therapist understands your situation and plans to address it. The more information you have about how a therapist plans to navigate you through these situations, the better you’ll feel about trusting them with the task.

Tip #6: You can always fire your therapist

Ok, so I’m always going to advocate for you to talk to your therapist if you are having issues in your treatment. But if you have done this and you are still not feeling satisfied, you can absolutely terminate your sessions and shop around for a different therapist. If your therapist talks about themselves more in session than you do, that’s a red flag. If you don’t like your therapist’s style, or don’t agree with their approach, talk with them about it. And if nothing else changes, feel free to look elsewhere. This is your life and your treatment. You deserve someone who you feel comfortable with. It’s kind of like dating. It can be tiring to look for a therapist you like but once you do, it can be magic.

Bravo on considering therapy and good luck!!